Sunday, August 25, 2013

A little hearing, a little thinking, a lot of Thanks

Today during Mass I actually heard/paid attention to the homily. This in and of itself is a bit of a minor (very minor in the grand scheme of life) miracle. With 3 young boys just making it to Mass without someone (usually mom or dad) crying is amazing. To actually make it through Mass AND remember what was said/read/sung….MIRACLE. Seriously.

SO today’s homily I actually heard. And liked. Short form: “God’s way is narrow. The world’s way is wide.” Even while Father was giving his homily I was singing the song that coincides with this phrase. Love that song! Okay back on topic. So all day today I have been thinking about the Wide world and Narrow path to God. Also been thinking about turning 40 in 2 months and the fact that Jon and I are celebrating 10 Married years this Friday (30th)! Which all made me decide to dig out my old journal and (still new-ish) wedding album.

From my journal, written when I was 20: Where/who will you be in 20 years? “Married with 5 children, a couple dogs, and a nice spread in the country. Living near a metro area where I will be earning a living as a concert violinist or a vocal soloist. Hope to be near my 3 brothers and their families. (shorten version)

From our Wedding album: Where will you and your spouse be in 10 years? “Together. Hopefully with 5 children, our 2 dogs and a nice little place in the country. I hope to be able to stay home with the children while Jon works for KDOT.

1. I did not become a concert violinist or vocalist, although I still enjoy singing and playing the violin and viola.
2. We do not have 5 children. We have 3 beautiful and perfect for us boys. And I am thankful every day for them. We are not planning for more, but you just never know what God’s plan may be!

3. We thankfully do not live near a metro area but neither do we live the country. We live in a nice little rural town in the middle of Kansas. I love our little rural town. While it does have it’s “quirks” it fits us perfectly.

4. We do live relatively near 2 of my brothers…..they and their families are within 2 hours driving distance of us. My brother Tom passed away 10 years ago this October. Miss him, everyday. God’s will is that he be our guardian Angel….and I know we have kept him very busy! Thanks Tom Smile

5. Jon and I are very much together. And that makes me very happy and extremely proud. We are so strong together. We have endured our tests and together we are stronger for them. We will continue to endure… because we are just too damn stubborn to do anything else! (And we are still very much head over heals in love with each other!!)

6. I am able to stay home with the boys although Jon is not with KDOT any more, he is very happy working for Kirkham Michael.

So while the above is just a shortened overview of the past 10 years of our married life, it gives a very good view that it is not my way, but God’s way that prevails. I wanted a very wide variety of things in our life, while God has very specifically said that there are things we don’t need. And what we want is not necessarily what is best for us. It is a very hard lesson to learn. I hope that I am able to finally learn it in the next 10 years. If not, I will be thankful that our God is a very forgiving and Loving God. And I will just keep trying. It is not easy. But I will keep trying.

I wonder where we will be in 10 years????


Thursday, August 15, 2013

Ahhh. The first day of School….

Mom’s up early and in the kitchen cooking a breakfast for her family, all showered and looking like a million bucks. Dad is in the bedroom helping the boys get dressed…all the while there is laughing, joking and happy words being exchanged. Everyone sits down to the table together to enjoy breakfast and family time. The boys are ready for school early, so we have time to read Pocket Full of Kisses, take lots of pictures, and casually make our way to school in a very non-rushed, have all the time in the world, this is gonna be a smokin’ awesome day kinda way.


Yep, I was in the kitchen frantically making muffins for breakfast, except for JT who wanted (and got) a leftover hotdog. I was showered, with hair still dripping wet, and as I would soon realize only 1 shaved leg.  Anthony was up, dressed, helped a bit with the muffins, then dumped the trash…literally...all over the kitchen floor. Got that cleaned up, went to make sure Brady was moving towards the “completely dressed” stage….nope still sleeping. By this point the smiley happy words were becoming a bit “less smiley”. Let Jon take over there as Brady and I are oil and water first thing in the morning…we need our morning “coffees” first. JT is now “bored”…SERIOUSLY??? FINE. Let’s just go outside and take the pictures. Nooo, don’t worry about smiling, really don’t worry about it. I like pictures of grumpy kids. Who doesn’t? AUGH. Deep Breath. Again. Keep repeating. Well this is just not working. Hugs. Yep that is just what we all needed.

Fast forward a bit to the school gym… Anthony promptly found his line and took seat, I snapped a quick picture…I will be right back. Took Brady to his line, snapped a couple more pictures….I will be right back. Took JT to his line…snapped a pic, took a deep breath, snapped another…oh crud. Turned away, wiped the tears (never let them see you cry on the first day of Kindergarten…they might follow suit)…I will be right back. See Brady messing with his hearing aides…CRAP! forgot to change the batteries. Good thing he has extra in his book bag. Mr. Schroedar (principle) starts talking, sing National Anthem, more words, Pledge of Allegiance, classes dismissed. NO! WAIT! Were did Anthony’s class go? Out the other side of the gym…down a different hallway…I missed him leaving. And as I was frantically looking for Anthony, I almost missed Brady leaving with his class. But I saw JT, as he turned with the biggest smile on his precious little face, waving and saying “bye mom. bye dad”. Ahhhh. sniffle, sniffle. sigh.

We were all nervous about today. Anthony is starting 3rd Grade, which is in a different wing…the one we have always referred to as the “big kids” wing. Suddenly he’s not sure he wants to be a “big kid”. Brady is starting 1st Grade and his teacher is brand new to our district. Exciting but also an unknown for him which has thrown him off a bit. JT starts kindergarten. He is excited, nervous, scared, happy….and I even heard him whisper to Jon “I think I might gonna miss mommy” AHHHH! Jon, well he is our ROCK. He gets a bit choked up every year when this day rolls around but he is our rock. Me, well let’s just say that an empty house has never been so silently loud. I have the ipod cranked and all I can hear is the kid silence. And the screen is getting a bit blurry as the tears are still freely flowing.

I know the boys are all in great hands, our teachers are amazing. I know that they all have to leave the nest, spread their wings and fly. I also know that right at this very moment, if the person who first uttered those words was standing in front of me….well they would no longer be standing. Right at this very moment I want to go back to the school bring the boys home and listen to them play, fight, laugh and live. I want them here to console me because for the past 8 1/2 years I have been a stay at home mom of 3 boys with at least one of those boys home with me 95% of the time. I want the boys home because I know who I am when they are here. I am mom, maid, referee, team coach, teacher, healer, crazy game inventor, fixer of “almost” everything.

So who am I now?

We always encourage the boys at the start of every school year to “enjoy this. You will love this class and at the end of the year you will be smarter, older, happier, and ready to tackle the next challenge. I suppose it is time that I take our advice.

Deep Breath. Here I go…. watch out Ellsworth! (I would say watch out world…but, baby steps. Just baby steps for now!)